Bullying was always a sore subject for me to discuss. I am still not sure whether or not to press the ‘’publish’’ button, but if you see this then I guess I finally did.
I don’t know why, but I think that bullies don’t actually realize they are hurting a person with their words. Yes, I am talking about psychological bullying, and I won’t go into the physical bullying because I didn’t experience it, nor do I want to. Back to the subject— feel like bullies are not aware of the damage they are causing a person, and I am most definitely NOT defending bullies; I just think they are oblivious to everything that surrounds them.As a dear friend of mine said: “People who do this type of actions are not very confident within themselves and feel the need to belittle others to make themselves feel better and more in control. “
Bullying is not an easy thing to experience. I was harshly bullied several years ago and I still have some traumas. It is very hard for me to share this next story with you, so be gentle please! Even though this is not the whole story, it is still a big part of it and it still brings back awful memories of people and places from my not so long ago past.
Five years ago, I went on a summer vacation organized by the school I was in at the time. When I wrote my name on the paper with the people that wanted to go in that vacation, I thought there was going to be other kids of my age with whom I was going to stay. I was so, so wrong.
All the kids were older than me by one year, if not more, and when I say that it might not sound so bad, believe me that it was. They were all friends and I was alone. From the moment I stepped foot on the train, they started to pick on me and mock me—just bullying me. When we got there, I was put in the same room with the biggest bullies. I had to sleep a week with them in the same room and let them call me names. Not even once did they let me get a decent nights’ sleep. Let’s just say, I went to sleep crying most nights. Actually, there wasn’t a day that I wasn’t crying.
Every day over the phone I asked my parents to come after me, and they’d feel so bad for me but they couldn’t just leave work and go across the country to come “rescue me”. Eventually, my phone broke on that trip and all my connections to home ended. Could it get any worse? My connection to home was close to none, but sometimes my “friends” would lend me their phones to talk to my parents.
On the train home, I was threatened to tell nobody about it or else… You cannot imagine my fear of telling my parents what happened on that trip. Why? Because I was afraid that they would go to the school and tell the principal what happened.Still, I told them and asked them not to take any action because I had another two years in that school with that teacher, and I was afraid of her giving me bad grades and making me repeat the year. So they said they wouldn’t do anything rash and let it be…
The 3rd day after I arrived home, my parents and I went on a family trip so I could get better, but I would still went to bed crying for almost 2 weeks.
When school started, I saw the bullies everyday, and they’d still call me names and stuff. I would go home crying and my mom’s heart would break and my dad would get angry, but I still insisted that I was fine and that I would get over it. I was right; at the end of 7th grade, my bullies went to highschool, and I had a somewhat calmer year than before.
And to this very day, I am afraid of leaving home for a longer period of time. For example, going to university scares the living sh*t out of me because I am sure I will find more bullies there, but also I get the opportunity to start fresh, without the daunting feeling of the past that is still haunting me sometimes in my sleep or whenever I bump with the bullies in school, or on the street. I want to be able to look all the people in the eye again. I want to stop being afraid of turning the corner and meeting my bullies.
Just so you know, I do not blame my parents for not telling anyone about what happened. I actually appreciate that they were there for me and respected my wish. They did the best they could, and I am so grateful to have them because they are the most amazing parents a child could have! *wipes tears and lets out a big ‘whoosh’* That felt good to write!
Even though leaving home and going to an university in a totally different country is very appealing, it has a huuuuge drawback. I don’t want to live through that again and be miles and miles away from home. I am sure I will miss the comfort of my mum’s hugs and my dad’s words.
In real life I have ONE true friend that has always been there for me and supported me, and even said I was great when I knew I wasn’t. And I know you might be reading this, so I want to say that I am really sorry for not sharing this earlier…it’s been really hard for me, and I feel like now is an okay time to share it. I hope you understand!
Anyway, I am so very glad that I shared this with you. And maybe if I haven’t shared this, I wouldn’t have had a talk with a great friend of mine. It was like a push from behind, and I think it helped me let out all of this.
So, if you are/were a bully, I hope I gave you something to think about and see that what you do/did is not so easy to get over. Life is hard on its own, and when someone like you makes it harder, it sometimes feels like you don’t wanna live anymore, and you really don’t want to have someone on your conscience. Stop bullying and be a better person, ‘cause life itself isn’t all flowers, and you making it worse is almost unbearable.
Say stop to bullying and do something about it! Make a change! It won’t hurt! If you have a friend or even acquaintance that is being bullied, talk to them. Let them know someone is there for them.
I am sure all of us have been bullied at a moment in life. Whether it is a little thing or a major one, we should stand up for ourselves and stop letting others hurt us.
*Sigh* I know this is a long post, and I hope I didn’t bore a lot of you, but I really think that I finally had to share this in a way or another, and I think that I chose the right way to do so.
Also, this might not be a big thing to some of you. And you might know people that have lived through worse, but this is my story, and I know it is not a big deal for some, but for me it sure had a big impact and it left scars behind. I am sorry for all the people that lost the battle of bullying, and I hope that soon, this problem will be taken more seriously in every country.
Until next time, with a lighter subject,
P.S. Don’t forget, try to make a change 🙂 !
*If somehow you recognize my story, and by any means you have been one of my bullies, well, then I have a message for you: “You have a miserable life, you piece of crap.”* -that feels a loooot better now. 🙂
Until next time,